yoga journal...

woke early....mind working overtime 
yesterday was a heavy day ( stress wise ) and I think my brain was still there!
(trying to get my 1st assignment in...before my hols
trying to sort out apprenticeship applications for my 16 year old..
sorting holiday arrangements out for forth coming holiday...clothes, toiletries, taxi to airport, making provisions for family members!!! ( 3 days time !)
getting a card and gift for mine and hubbies anniversary..2moro!! ( even though he WILL forget )
not forgetting all the usual day to day things that have to be done...)

And breathe.....

I noticed my body was still there too as I got out of bed....back and joints were noticably stiff....i think they were stressed too!!! holding on to all those memories from yesterday

Unbelievable how stress can affect the body as well as the mind...my body takes on a whole new shape/posture when I am stressed... shoulders and ears noticably connected 😉 spine slumped into my hips!!! and the pain in the base of the skull must be due to my head wanting to disappear in between my clavicle and scapula!!!  ( no wander I'm aching 😉 )

Need to address this with a few nice in breaths/out breaths...stretching my arms above my head and taking a nice full body stretch...getting my neck and head back to normal position! rolling my shoulders back and forth and getting them away from my ears...

Positivity starts to return as I remember I have a yoga class in a couple of hours...( not just any class, but my favorite one of the week)

As the morning went on ..its fair to say that a few negative thoughts crept..

(my cousin rang to say she wouldnt be able to make the class as she had to much to do for our hols!)

(yes I've got loads to do too?  I could do a quick session at home and crack on with my jobs!!)

so easy to let negative thought stop us doing things....that little voice in the head

But I'm glad to say...I went and as usual it was amazing/inspiring/exhilarating/

The instructor was full of her usual energy...puts me in the mind of a perfect sun salutation..

and I instantly remembered why she had inspired me to want to be an instructor and to hopefully pass on to others, what she gives to me 💓

Why did I even consider not coming?    

we started with a deep breaths in and out, calming us and getting us ready for the class.

we did some shaking nxt!! knees bent slightly and shaking our booties, and then doing small jumps on the spot and hugging ourselves/slapping our backs....sounds a bit odd..but it served to wake up our bodies and create energy and warmth, and a little bit of humour, ( when you spotted yeself in the mirror )  breaking down any awkwardness in the class....again I asked myself

'why would I want to do chores instead of this?' I love my yoga

Nicely warm now....we continue into adho mukha svanasana..with an opportunity to pedal our heels to release our calf/hamstrings,( i still struggle with getting my heels to the floor, but it is a working progress )  bending from side to side, with bended knees, feeling a good stretch in each side of the body....thoughts of yesterday melting away as I push myself into the twists, releasing the stiffness from my shoulders
next was sun salutations, again stretching getting rid of stiffness, enjoying breathing into the forward folds and backbends releasing any remaining tension....allowing me to focus and feel my mind becoming calm.
next came the twisted asanas....starting with intense pose,  twisted chair pose, massaging the internal muscles... I have been trying to improve this as I felt my flexibility was not very good, although I do think it is improving, our instructor encourages us to twist as fully as possible...onto twisted lunges..feeling very stretched!! more to come..onto twisted triangle...I always feel my alignment is not good in this pose.even with the help of the block.(which could be why its not one of my favorite poses ) the instructor came round and helped us with alignment..but I do find breathing in this pose quite tough. 
is at this stage I get a few negative thought pop into my mind, struggling a bit now..need to learn to focus more....more than half way through the class and its tough going
opportunity to rest a little and to relax into the pose...into a belly twist...i like this pose more, and we are encouraged to try the variations, one leg extended etc
we end with shoulder stand moving into plough...I love the roll motion into plough....releasing the back 
we settled into Balasana Baby pose ..phew opportunity to relax into this lovly pose..lenghtening and stretching the spine, shoulders and even the legs, instructor encouraging us to sit right back on our heels and reach gently forward....focusing on our breathing, calming down our breath /minds.
and onto relaxation.......

Bank Holiday Weekend

Good Morning Beautiful People...hope u are all enjoying your bank holiday

Its fair to say that most of us look forward to a bank holiday weekend...( especially when its the last one before Christmas 🙈)

for various reasons...

• an opportunity to have a lay in/or just do nothing
• time off work
• spend more time with family/frends
• visit old frends
• visit one of the many events on 
• eat out/barbeque
• DIY
• catch up on housework/jobs
• go to the sales

And I could go on....

so when I got invited to a barbeque/birthday party, I accepted

Lots of lovly food, few glasses of wine, and an opportunity to minglw with people that I dont know very well

And it was enjoyable

But how strange I felt... a lot like a fish out of water...

Over the last 30 years or so I have put loads of get  togethers on...birthdays, christmas, baptisms, family meals etc.... and I have always been the Hostess

So it was very strange for me to sit back and, not just relax ( I'm not really very good at that ) but to watch how other people do it ( not in a critical way!!! 😉)

But an opportunity to people watch ( I love that..)

I can relate to the stress in the kitchen!  from the ladies mainly..buzzing round trying to keep everyone happy...to keep everything moving along smoothly..food/drink/cups/glasses etc ( oh yes remember that only too well)

you can observe the small groups that people congregate in...ladies seem to stay in the same groups..heads together hushed talks....

men tend to mingle and seem more relaxed from my observation.... talking loudly and openly

children running about laughing eating drinking...doing what children do best..enjoying themselves

Yes it was very nice but not something I would like to do every weekend...probably because I dont know the group well..and yes I am used to being in groups of people i know very well...

after saying that it is good to go out of our comfort zone sometimes and it was lovely not having the usual stress that goes with hosting an event... ( and it was very kind of people to invite us..)

but it kind of reminds me that I have always been a bit of a control freak ( ok ..my family would say a lot of a control freak 😉) and loved all the control that came with me organising everything...

But, may be its age or wisdom or both 😉 but I am quite happy to let others take the lead now and the STRESS....SOMETIMES

Be happy

x

when my grandaughter comes visiting!!!!

( NB please see footer at end of post )

 true to say that stress usually accompanies my grandaughters visits....

this involves torture.... anything from... fixing my hair....crawling all over my lap and ruining my knees....checking my eyes for foreign bodies...

pinching my neck... ( she has a fixation with necks or any other loose skin..elbows etc associated with us 50 somethings...and different to her beautiful plump youthful skin ( shes !!  4 ) )

But this was on a whole new level.....

today she introduced me too her new found frend!!!

' stroke him under his neck Granma ' ( the neck thing ) not a chance!!

 all fotos by chardonnay 2017

Please be assured that No Granmas or newts were harmed during this photo shoot....granma was returned to her rocking chair with a large glass of the red stuff.... and newty was returned to his normal wet environment too....no harm done 😉😉

funny kind of week

beautiful spring morning...and I'm wide awake at 3am
which allows me time to ponder on the last couple of weeks....
its fair to say that they have been full of mixed emotions...
good ..bad..and in between

new jobs tend to do this to me...I get stressed and cant sleep

which inevitably leaves me a bit fragile and emotional

     (photo by Chardonnay)  

then add another adorable  grandchild into the mix...
and the emotional roller coaster speeds up...

and just for good measure...7 family birthdays in the last 2 months!!!
emotional roller coaster overload... but in a nice way                                                                                                                   

and there's more.....3 bank holidays    

and its at these times that my past always has a way of seeping into my thought path...

needless to say it also reminds me of how truly blessed I am...
and that each individual blog is just a fraction of my very beautiful life

                                            ( photo by Chardonnay  )                                               

Thank the Lord for my life

inevitable..it was not going to last

I think its fair to say that I knew the new job was not going to be for me!!!
Right from day one..I found it very stressful, shocking, heart breaking..
And yes , as the week went on it got marginally better, but it was painfully obvious to see, it was not going to be for me....
I gave it 2 weeks ...and that was enough...more than enough...
Of course I am disappointed in myself , I was sure I could do it...but having no experience of this type of work ...how could I possibly know....went in blind
And boy did I get my eyes opened!!!!!
 ( didnt need to know my destiny!!! )
I definitly prefer to bury my head in the sand 

My heart goes out to those that can do this job...Saints I would call them

So as they say...Another one bites the dust!!!!

so its back to the drawing board ... cv's at the ready

when you just know

So its been 3 days this week at my new job...and this is the end of my 2nd week!!!
to be perfectly honest, I dont know how I lasted this long....
And there's more
Yesterday was my 1st day visiting the patients at home on my own... and yes its fair to say its not my 'cup of tea' (another one of my sayings..... an example of an english idiom... If something is not your cup of tea, you don't like it or you are not interested in it. )
And there's more....according to my boss, yesterday was an easy day!!!!  should get an early finish.... 'errr no'
( depends if you are prepared to go in/out without spending any time with these vunerable people I suppose )
These dear, mainly old people just want the same as the rest of us...a little bit of company, and compassion, someone to be kind to them and give them a little bit of time, a smile.... this job definitly does not allow for that.... 
so a visit that should take 15 mins at most ( as suggested by my boss) is taking me over 30 mins...so that dosnt take much calculating to see why I had a late day!!!

so the time has come to make a decision.... 

• do I need this job financially/for personal reasons
• do I need the stress
• realisitically am I going to get the training that i have been promised..or should i accept the truth that it is too late to train for a new career
• should I give it it a longer trial
• am I ever going to enjoy this type of job
• am I going to regret giving up too soon
• what am I trying to prove to myelf
• No time to do the things I love doing..cycling/fitness classes... mainly because Im nakered ( emotionally mostly )

So many decisions... and to top it off I have a really bad head cold..( and no I wouldnt dream of saying Ive got it from one of my lovly patients  

Looking back 18 months ago

Well to say things have been life changing is an understatement....

Life being the ultimate  word  or the lack of it
No less than 5 people who I knew very well.... one in particular being a very dear and beautiful frend....to say I was heart broken was an understatement, and the world is surely a poorer place without her....

Others were indeed tragic especially for those left behind...
And all were comparatively in their prime....some not even 50 years old.

How life changes.....

I chanced upon some diary entries from about 18 months ago....which would of been just after I started my new job!!
To say I was stressed, was an understatement , seemed like I was nearly over the edge....
Nervous, uncomfortable, unfamiliar, scared of making mistakes, drained,stressed,tired, just some of the words I used to describe how I was feeling.
No way did I think I would last 18 days never mind 18 months.
but true to the stubborn soul that I am...I dug my heels in and put up with a lot of s**t
And there's more...about my job to tell soon
But surprise surprise 18 months on and I'm still in the same job...how long for only God knows....
But what I do know is if I can do it, any one can....
What a difference 18 months can make......
And as they say as one door opens...so do a few more ( well thats not exactly how the saying goes )

cream crackert

Exhausted.....

Mental exhaustion is so much more debilitating than the physical sort !!!!

How can the very people that u call close n family n frends......leave u feeling so drained n empty n angry n confused?????

God bless me with restraint!!!!!


Thank the Blessed Lord tomorrow is another day.......God give me strength......