yoga class ..its been ages

After 10 days of  not doing a yoga class....

 fotos by chardonnay

Our holidays are over and its back to normality/reality

some of the things that we come back to I'm sure are not always welcome!!

all that washing..ironing...cleaning...etc

sunshine ...sea...cocktails are now just beautiful memories...

seeing our loved ones and being in places we feel familiar with, I'm sure are some of the things we feel happy coming back to....

for me, getting back to my exercise routine, is also really important....especially my yoga

(thats not to say that I dont want to get back to see my lovly family 😉, I miss them loads really )

So my 1st class in 10 days is done, and yes it was tough going....

I really couldnt wait to get to it ....my body felt like it needed a good stretch, especially after that 5 hour flight ( which was not enjoyable...after being up for 15 hrs, then the flight, then the 2 hr difference, its fair to say that we were feeling a little fragile...  )

it started very gently with some nice loosening up exercises/forward folds etc but quickly moved onto some quite intense strength asanas/poses...moving through several sequences of downward dog, 3 legged dog, plank, and side plank which was , for me, quite tough!! 😩 ( was I really missing this! )

moving on, twists of different variations!!...and by now I was feeling very tired..so the arrival of some work on our back was very welcome.....

Our class finished with 10 minutes meditation which was very welcome...an opportunity to rest and breathe.......and focus on nothing but my breath entering and leaving my tired body 😔

Namaste

adopted revisited....

Unimaginable how watching #Long Lost Families  can bring back such vivid memories...
just seeing a birth certificate ...and the word  Adopted  on it

in that place... just added on the edge of the form...no real place for it to go...

it catapulted me back in time...a real awful day in my life on so many levels....
strange thing is how you relive not just the event but the feelings...

The day didnt start off bad...the opposite in fact...I needed to get a copy of my birth certificate..I was getting married...

and due to my very dysfunctional childhood ( thats being polite )  it was a f**k up to be honest...my birth certificate had been lost/ misplaced/ thrown away...who knows?  ( bit like myself and my sister )

so I had to go to the births/marriages/deaths department to request a copy...not too difficult.... I hear you say...little did I know what the day would hold 

Its fair to say that I wasnt as calm then,  as what I am today, but in the same situation I would probably react the same....

I dont know what I was expecting ...and the wait in the reception area didnt help matters.....
But when the woman handed me this newly printed form I was not prepared for what was on it.....
The only word that I saw was    

I was confused....

I was so angry....hurt...upset...distraught...

I was livid!!!!!

The poor woman didnt know what to do

'what is that doing on there!!!!? '

'What have you wrote that on there for? ' I shrieked at her

'Take it off...take it off ' I carried on shouting

I thought you knew...she said trying to remain calm

'I dont want that on ...so you can print me another and take it off!!! '

( to me it was that matter of fact...thats what I wanted ! )

I can hear myself now...see myself ...like someone demented!!!!

I just turned and leant against the wall...I just wanted to slide down it ..tears streaming down my face ..which I was not gonna let her see

even though I was grown up and away from her...that awful God forsaken excuse for a human being who adopted me was still managing to hurt me..affect me....

that made me even more angry......

and unlike the situation where I was able to get away from her and leave the awful events behind me..

I was not able to get away from this!!!!!

all that was going through my head was how I was going to get it off!!!!

I could hear the woman talking to me but the words just werent going in.....

'Unfortunately that has to stop on there..its a legal document and cant be altered' she told me

that was not what I wanted to hear....

I left the office empty handed....

I was not going to have that document with that on it!!!

funny thing was that i convinced myself in a moment that I didnt need it and I could get married without it!!!!

Moral of this story is...you think you get over things... that you have drawn a line under it..shut the door....but in reality....theres always a TRIGGER

when you least expect it..when you have dropped your guard

BAM!!!!

The good thing is I know I have moved on so much...and I think it is what makes me strong now...its definitely what make me feel so blessed for what I have and the person I am now...my family and frends and how far away from those awful beginnings , I have come.

Thank the Blessed Lord for what you have blessed me with

x

Bank Holiday Weekend

Good Morning Beautiful People...hope u are all enjoying your bank holiday

Its fair to say that most of us look forward to a bank holiday weekend...( especially when its the last one before Christmas 🙈)

for various reasons...

• an opportunity to have a lay in/or just do nothing
• time off work
• spend more time with family/frends
• visit old frends
• visit one of the many events on 
• eat out/barbeque
• DIY
• catch up on housework/jobs
• go to the sales

And I could go on....

so when I got invited to a barbeque/birthday party, I accepted

Lots of lovly food, few glasses of wine, and an opportunity to minglw with people that I dont know very well

And it was enjoyable

But how strange I felt... a lot like a fish out of water...

Over the last 30 years or so I have put loads of get  togethers on...birthdays, christmas, baptisms, family meals etc.... and I have always been the Hostess

So it was very strange for me to sit back and, not just relax ( I'm not really very good at that ) but to watch how other people do it ( not in a critical way!!! 😉)

But an opportunity to people watch ( I love that..)

I can relate to the stress in the kitchen!  from the ladies mainly..buzzing round trying to keep everyone happy...to keep everything moving along smoothly..food/drink/cups/glasses etc ( oh yes remember that only too well)

you can observe the small groups that people congregate in...ladies seem to stay in the same groups..heads together hushed talks....

men tend to mingle and seem more relaxed from my observation.... talking loudly and openly

children running about laughing eating drinking...doing what children do best..enjoying themselves

Yes it was very nice but not something I would like to do every weekend...probably because I dont know the group well..and yes I am used to being in groups of people i know very well...

after saying that it is good to go out of our comfort zone sometimes and it was lovely not having the usual stress that goes with hosting an event... ( and it was very kind of people to invite us..)

but it kind of reminds me that I have always been a bit of a control freak ( ok ..my family would say a lot of a control freak 😉) and loved all the control that came with me organising everything...

But, may be its age or wisdom or both 😉 but I am quite happy to let others take the lead now and the STRESS....SOMETIMES

Be happy

x